Uncertainty
by millertime1985
Summary: After a car accident, things start change for everyone... and the team lose someone close to them. 6th in my Sacrifice series
1. Chapter 1

Notes: Thanks for taking the time to look over my story.

This is first of a (hopefully) new batch of stories based in my "Sacrifice" series. I would also like to thank everyone who has left comments, reviews, comments or favourite any of my stories/chapters, they have been greatly appreciated, as has that fact that you have chosen to read any of my fics.

I have tried to keep characterisations right, but I may have slipped up here or there.

I hope you enjoy it.

I know it can be a bit uninteresting, but I value feedback, as it lets me know what people like, or don't like from my efforts. Or just so I know if you have enjoyed it in general. So I would please ask you to take a minute once you've finished reading it, to let me know what you thought.

I do NOT own NCIS:Los Angeles or any of its Characters. I'm just borrowing them

#######

Opening her eyes and looking around, Nell found herself in a hospital bed.

How had she ended up in the hospital, she wondered. More surprising however, was who was sleeping in a chair next to her bed, holding onto her right hand.

Pulling her hand away, had the undesired effect of waking the Special Agent.

He jumped up onto his feet and moved to the doorway, calling out for a doctor.

"Why do you need a doctor?" Nell wondered aloud.

"You've been unconscious for 3 days" the Special Agent replied

….

"… Has she said anything?"

"Yeah, mostly wondering why she's in the hospital" Callen answered

"Well, at least that's something" Kensi said, trying to comfort him

"… and I would take that as a good sign, **_IF_** she hadn't recoiled, almost in fear, when I tried to kiss her cheek, and then asked for Eric"

"What's the doctor said?" Sam asked, breaking his silence

"Nothing yet. They were going to do some tests, now that she's awake."

"I'll go to the hospital and wait with her. Give you a chance to get changed, and maybe get some proper sleep" Kensi offered.

"I'm fine. I got some sleep at the hospital"

"G. Let Kensi go… You need to sleep, in an actual bed, rather than upright in a chair. It's not good for you, or for Nell for you to be in this state longer than necessary. Kensi will call you as soon as there's any news. SO are you gonna go home, or do we need to talk to Hetty?"

"Low blow Sam"

….

"How did I end up in here Kens?"

"You were in a collision with a Semi. You were really lucky you came out of it with next to no injuries. Don't think I've ever seen Callen so concerned and upset, until now"

"Yeah.. about that…. Why was he at my bedside, and more importantly… why did he try to kiss me?"

"We all took turns sitting with you, but Callen, he never left your side"

"Okay Kens… but Why though?"

"Don't freak out, But you're engaged to him"

Nell sat, staring at her friend with her mouth hanging open

"Nell? Did you hear me?"

"Um… Yeah, I … I heard you."

….

"How long have I been living here. Living with him?" Nell asked as she walked towards the front door from the car "...and what happened to my apartment?"

"A few months… You kind of moved in after your apartment got shot up, when Callen was AWOL"

"So I just moved in without any permission?"

"It's not quite as Black & White as that. I mean, you had been staying here for months. Not every night, and not always with Callen"

"This is too weird Kens. I wake up and get told I'm engaged to Callen, who has never shown any interest in me, and who I have never had any real interest in… I'm living in his house… and at no point in the last.. what, 6 – 9 months, has anyone challenged me about why I'm doing this… with him"

"if it makes you feel any better you did tell me that your mother wasn't all that pleased about your being involved with him. But I still don't know if that's because of his age, how she met him or if it's something else"

"So my parents didn't approve?"

"No… Your father apparently approved, but not your mother. I can only tell you what you, or Callen told me… But there's a lot I don't know, and you would be better speaking to Callen about."

"He's not gonna be inside, is he?" Nell asked, almost scared of the answer.

"No. He won't be home, not for a few hours. But you're gonna have to deal with him sooner or later.

….

Looking around the house, Nell could recognise all the books, furniture, DVDs and other knick knacks that had come from her apartment. Seeing them in this house that she didn't know, was bizarre, to say the least. But still, she felt a sense of comfort surrounded by her possessions. If only she better understood where she was in life, understood the choices she had made… most importantly, she desperately wanted to know how she ended up getting involved with Special Agent G Callen, instead of her best friend, and love interest, Eric. If only Kensi had given her more details, maybe could have started to understand.

She didn't doubt that Callen was a caring and considerate man, but he was far from her normal type. If she had a singular specific type.

She had been tempted to start packing a bag, call her parents… even call Eric. But Kensi had been right… there were certain answers that she could only get from Callen.

….

Nell felt warm and safe, laying on top of the bed. She would have happily stayed where she was, were it not for the hand that was held against her face, with what she assumed was a thumb, stroking her cheek.

Jerking her self away from the comforting hand, she opened her eyes looking around for whoever it was that had been stroking her cheek

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you" Callen offered by way of an explanation

"How long have you been here?" Nell asked

"Only a couple of minutes. I eh… I shouldn't have bothered you"

Nell sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, before returning her focus to Callen

"Normally I'd say it wasn't a big deal, but since I'm a bit confused about what's happening…"

"Yeah, I get what you mean. I'm guessing you want to talk… so Tea, or Coffee?"

"Coffee, if you don't mind" Nell said as she followed Callen out of the bedroom and through into the kitchen

"I've been in your position. So I know how you feel…." Callen offered

"So… You've woken up without part of your memory, only to be told you're engaged to, and living with a co-worker several years your senior"

"Okay, when you put it that way, No I've not been in your exact position. But I've been pretty close. So, where would you like to start?"

"How about the beginning"

"Deal. What's the last thing you remember?"

….

*Knock Knock*

Sam opened his front door, already knowing who it was

"Come on in. D'you want the couch, or is your heart set on the bomb shelter"

"Couch for now, if that's okay. I'll re-evaluate my needs in the morning"

"So what happened G?" Sam asked, as they walked through, into the lounge

"I think it's just too much information, too quickly. At least I hope that's all it is"

"Has Hetty spoken to her yet?"

"Not as far as I know. Don't think she's even spoken to Eric or her parents yet either"

"Hey. You know she'll get her memories back, you got yours back"

"And look what had to happen for me to get them back. What am I meant to do… ask Hetty to reassign Nell to a carrier, send her into Afghanistan to get shot, then get locked up back on the Carrier. She was safer before she get involved with me, maybe this is what's best for her"

"You don't really believe that, do you Callen?" Michelle asked from the doorway

Both Sam and Callen turned towards Michelle after hearing her voice.

….

"G in yet?" Sam asked, before he even reached his desk

"Not seen him" Kensi offered

"What about Nell, you seen or spoken to her this morning?"

"Yeah, she's upstairs with Eric, Why?"

She watched Sam drop his bag on the desk, and then turned and headed upto OPS. Kensi promptly followed Sam, starting to get concerned

"… Get me a trace on his phone Eric!" Kensi heard Sam demand as she entered OPS

"Sam, What's going on" Kensi asked quietly

"He's been sleeping on my couch the last few weeks. But him and his kit were gone before 0400 this morning. I think he's trying to disappear again"

"Why would he do that?"

"Things apparently haven't been going well when He and Nell have been speaking."

"How 'Not Well'"

"… that he thinks she's better off not being involved with him, or remembering, as he thinks it's too risky for her. That this incident gives her the chance to have the sort of life she used to imagine"

"Oh Shit…"

….

"You can't be serious about this Hetty. He'll turn up"

"Mr Callen has been gone for over a year, with no leads as to where he has gone. Unless he turns up in the next fortnight, I'm going to be forced to have him taken off the inactive staff list. For now, at least, he won't be recorded as deceased. Unless you know something about his whereabouts Mr Hanna?"

"Trust me Hetty, if knew where he was, I would have already dragged him back here"

The pair were interrupted by a loud shrill whistle, that could only have come from Eric Beale

Sam left Hetty's office and quickly moved to follow his colleagues upto OPS

"What've we got Eric?" Sam asked

"a Marine Detachment in Afghanistan came across a number of burned bodies in a network of caves. When the remains were inspected, they found an NCIS badge on one of the bodies. Director Vance and SecNav have tasked us with investigating"

"Any idea who the Agent was?"

"All Special Agents in the region have been checked, none of them are missing. There are 7 NCIS Special Agents listed either as MIA or KIA whose remains have never been recovered, of them, 2 of them have been discounted due to gender"

Eric Tapped on his tablet, and then the large screen displayed 5 images of MIA or KIA agents

Sam didn't recognise the faces on the screen, instead turning his attention to Eric

"What region, Eric?"

"Khowst"

Everyone remained silent, before the silence was broken by Hetty's voice

"Mr Hanna & Deeks, My Office. , make travel arrangements for them. Mr Beale start checking over service histories for any indications that any of them could have made moves to Khowst"

Hetty left, with Sam and Deeks following close behind her

"Is she always that scary" April asked anyone who would answer

"Yes" Eric, Nell and Kensi replied unanimously

….

"Director Vance has raised concerns, that the body in Khowst may be that of Mr Callen. If it is… several of our deep cover agents could have been compromised. In 36 hours, I'm going to be ordered to shutter our operations here, and pull all active undercover agents off active cases. Unless you can prove that the remains in Khowst do not belong to Mr Callen"

"We'll get the Job done"

"Why are you just telling us. Why not tell Kensi or Nell" Deeks asked, despite knowing that he may be poking the bear

"Leave it Deeks. We have a lot to get done, and not much time" Sam insisted, before physically dragging Deeks away

"Why'dya drag me away… I deserved an answer"

"Think about it… Last thing any of us want is to remind Kensi about being back in Afghanistan. I don't want either Nell or Kensi to even think that this could be Callen, unless we know for sure. That's your answer as to why Hetty only told us"

….

"Welcome to Afghanistan Gentleman"

"NCIS Special Agents Hanna and Deeks" Sam told the Colonel as they both showed their identification.

"Quite a surprise, my men finding one of yours in a cave. You wouldn't happen to know why he was here, would you?"

"I'm afraid not Sir. We won't know anything until we can identify who the Agent was"

"We already know who he was. One of my people managed to clean up the credentials. Your man… was G Callen. That mean anything to you?"

The Colonels words stopped the pair of Agents in their tracks

….

"The Credentials are his. But I'm not convinced that the body is his. "

[…]

"We've already taken a DNA sample. It's already en route to the nearest lab for comparison"

[…]

"No, Hetty, we're not at that stage yet. We still have 18 hours

[…]

"I'm guessing Hetty isn't happy" Deeks asked, as he approached his partner

"No she is not" Sam sat down to take a breath

"You know, I dunno about you Sam, but I'm not gonna get back on that plane till we finish this"

….

"Have we got any results yet Mr Beale?"

"Just came in. Results are…. Negative. The body definitely isn't Callen"

"Please advise Mr Hanna, and If you would, get Director Vance on the line for me"

Eric lifted the phone and started dialling Sam, while listening to Hetty leave OPS to return, no doubt, to her office

"Sam, its Eric. We got the results back, they're not a match for Callen"

[…]

"I don't know. But I'll get her to call you back, once she's spoken with the Director"

Eric put the phone down, and leaned back in his chair, finally able to let go of the breath he hadn't realised he was holding

"What's the story about Agent Callen" He heard from his new 'partner'

"You mean you've not heard the stories?. Agent Callen is an undercover legend. Almost his whole career has been spent working in undercover roles. He used to be the Senior special agent here, up till he disappeared"

"So, why did he disappear then?" Came her next question

"That's a complicated question, and one that I can't answer. I simply don't know. He was here one day, and gone the next. Despite all the time and resources that have been put in to trying to locate him, we've never even found any leads into where he would go, or who he would become"

"Even so Eric, He's just one man, Why's he so important?"

"Because he's family, Ms Gardiner" they Heard Hetty say as she entered OPS

The young analyst dropped her head, and returned her focus to the intelligence reports on her computer screen

"Mr Beale, Make travel arrangements for Mr Hanna and Deeks. I want them on the next flight out of Afghanistan"

….

When Kensi and Nell walked back into the Bullpen, they were pleased to see both Sam and Deeks sat at their desks

"Glad to see you made it back in one piece probie." Kensi remarked

"That all I get, Fern? I don't get a 'I missed you Marty', and maybe a kiss?"

"Fine, I missed not having my bed warmer. And you know I don't kiss you at work, so you'll have to wait till tonight"

This satisfied Deeks, who leaned back in his chair with a wide grin on his face

"So did you identify the agent?" Nell asked, trying to return the exchange back to work

"Got a DNA sample, but it didn't match any Agent that's active, inactive or MIA"

"Well that's good isn't it?"

Sam and Deeks looked at each other, having an unspoken conversation

"The badge on the body was genuine… but it's been sent to Washington to clear it up and verify who's badge it is"

Kensi looked at Deeks suspiciously, knowing that he wasn't telling the full story. But she trusted that he would tell her when he could

"Where's Hetty?" Sam asked, breaking the brief silence

"She took off a few hours ago with Granger, headed for DC. Orders from the Director"

….

"You should have told me, Owen. He was one of my people, I had a right to know"

"The Op had nothing to do with operations on the West coast, He was qualified for the operation… and most importantly, he volunteered. He sought me out, not the other way about"

"When can he be debriefed?"

"He'll be available for debrief once the operation is complete Ms Lange. Frankly you wouldn't normally have been read in. The only reason you have been, is because we had to maintain the appearance of normal procedure, and your people investigating on the ground did that. From here on out, you stay out of our way, and make no attempts to locate or communicate **MY** operative" the Captain stated, interrupting both of them

….

Nell got home, and started reheating some leftovers.

She had been living in this house for almost 18 months, it wasn't really hers, but she felt at ease there. She had given thought to moving out and back into an apartment, but there was something keeping her there, other than just being at ease.

The last few nights had been troubling, her sleep had been interrupted by the same nightmare. Well she thought it was a nightmare rather than a dream or simple desire

She would jump out of a car, stand in the middle of the road and point a gun at a rapidly approaching SUV, then she would wake up. Each night she would remember a little bit more than the previous night, by the end of the second week she remembered shooting and the SUV coming to a stop. Believing the nightmare to be complete, she expected that she would be able to sleep better, but instead she now remembered shooting the SUVs driver at close range. This was probably the most troubling part of the nightmare for her. Waking up in a cold sweat she reached over to the other side of the bed, expecting to find something or someone, but finding nothing.

….

"You Okay Nell? You look shattered" Kensi asked her partner

"Not been sleeping very well. Keep waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare where I'm some sort of crazy killer"

"What, like a psycho killer?. Not a killer, like when forced to, on the job?"

"I don't know Kens. I'm standing in the middle of the road pointing a gun at a car that's speeding towards me. Then when it stops, I shoot the driver, for not reason"

Kensi sits looking down at her hands, after listening to Nell about her nightmare

'Crap. Do I say something, or keep quiet' she thinks 'Oh to hell with it'

"That nightmare…. It's… well it's not a nightmare. It's a memory"

"Yeah right. I'm not stupid enough to stand in traffic, playing chicken"

Seeing Sam walk in and sit down at his desk, Kensi asks

"Sam, Listen to Nell about this nightmare she's been having. See if it reminds you of something"

After Nell repeats her story to Sam and begging that he tell her it's not a memory, she waits for his opinion

"It's not a dream. You really did do that"

"Be serious. Even if I had done that, **_WHY_** would I have done it?"

Sam and Kensi looked between them, neither one sure if they should say any more

"I know that you both know something. So just tell me" Nell urged the pair

"It did happen. You did shoot the driver.. It was on an operation, and … one of us was shot. The guy you shot was the one responsible for it. End of"

"It never occurred, to anyone, that I should have been told this. Is there more stuff that happened that you didn't tell me?" she asked, highly irritated

"We wanted to let some stuff come back to you, in its own time. Not force you to remember" Kensi responded, trying to downplay any wrong doing on their part

"What else. I want to know everything that you've been keeping from me" Nell demanded

"It's not their place to tell you Ms Jones. It was my decision to keep certain aspects of your 'history' from you. I remain convinced that it was the right call" they heard Hetty say from behind them

Nell turned to face the operations manager

"What else have I done Hetty. What else have you been keeping from me?"

….

"Yes, thank you Leon for letting me know personally" Hetty shut her phone off and lifted her cup to have a sip of tea.

She sat at her desk drinking her tea until late in the afternoon, having lost track of time. It was only when Nell interrupted her from her own thoughts, that she realised just how long she had sat in silence

"Are you alright Hetty?" the former Analyst asked

"I will be"

"We just wanted to invite you out for a drink with us"

"No. I thank you for the thought my dear. But I expect to be occupied for several hours. Before you leave, could you ask Mr Hanna to come see me"

A few minutes later Sam reported to Hetty, wondering what his team were being blamed for now

"Mr Hanna, take a seat"

After he sat down, Hetty remained silent. Unsure of how to broach the subject with her Agent.

"Earlier today I was contacted with a report on Mr Callen"

Sam leaned forward in his seat expectantly

"It's believed he was killed in an explosion yesterday. No body has yet to be recovered, however he was believed to have been in the building when it came down, and has failed to check with his contact since"

Sam leaned back, trying to digest what he was being told

"I Thought we had no leads on G?"

"We received a report a few weeks ago that he had volunteered for a duty assignment with JSOC, several months ago. It was made clear that we had to make no attempts to locate or communicate with Mr Callen. Until such time that his assignment was over. Inform your team, give the closure that you all need, and deserve"

Sam hadn't truly believed that Callen was actually dead until now. Seeing how shaken the old spy was, had him convinced that this was neither a joke or some tactic.

Sam returned to the bullpen in something of a trance. He had no idea how he could broach the subject, even less of an idea of how each individual would react, and that was before he even thought about how he could tell his own kids that their 'Uncle G' was dead


	2. Chapter 2

Notes: Thanks for taking the time to look over my story.

This is the second part of Uncertainty, based in my "Sacrifice" series.  
>I would also like to thank everyone who has left comments, reviews, comments or favourite any of my storieschapters, they have been greatly appreciated, as has that fact that you have chosen to read any of my fics.

I have tried to keep characterisations right, but I may have slipped up here or there.

#######

**6 Months Later**

It had been almost 2 years since Special Agent G Callen had vanished in the night, 22 Months since Sam had officially taken over as Senior Special Agent, 20 Months since Hetty had permanently assigned Nell to the team to fill the gap, 18 months since Deeks joined NCIS as a Special Agent, 6 Months since Callen had been reported death, and 3 months since they had been forced to accept that there would be no body to bury.

….

"What's going on Eric?" Deeks asked as he walked into the bullpen following the rest of his team

"No idea. Granger ordered a staff meeting"

A few minutes later Granger walked into the Bullpen, and after Deeks had stopped telling his latest story about Monty, Began his briefing

"DC was contacted by the US army who caught a man trying to sneak into an army barracks in Afghanistan. When confronted the man claimed he was an NCIS agent, but had no documents to support his claims. Army CID are investigating the man, and have requested our assistance in verifying if he is NCIS. Jones you're booked on the next flight. Beale, coordinate with HQ, get me a list of MIA agents. Kensi coordinate with Booker in Afghanistan; see if they have any reports of any 'rogue' agents operating in the region. Hanna, you and I are going to speak with the consultant

….

"…are you telling me that you have no knowledge of any 'off book' operations in Afghanistan Henrietta?"

"I'm telling you Owen, that the last agent I had 'in country', officially or unofficially, was Mrs Deeks, and we all remember how that turned out. If it was one of 'ours', why would they be trying to sneak onto an army base, why not report to a Navy site, where their identity could be verified?"

….

"Major Jackson? I'm Special Agent Jones from NCIS. I believe you have a man in custody, claiming to be an NCIS special agent"

"Yes. If you'll just follow me. We've attempted to interrogate him, but he hasn't said anything usable. Took his prints, at least attempted, but his prints look to have been partially burned off. No tattoo's, or identifying marks. But his body is covered in scars. He's been allowed to wash, and been given a clean change of clothes – the ones he arrived in were heavily stained, and apparently quite smelly."

"It may seem stupid to ask, but what he **has** said, has it been in English or other languages?"

"Mostly English, some Russian, and I don't know what the other languages were. Just in the door on your left"

"Thank you Major. Hopefully we can resolve this quickly"

Nell stepped into the interrogation room and sat down, while the Army officers secured their prisoner.

The minute that the prisoner looked up, Nell recognised him. She in turn promptly got up and exited the room.

"Your Prisoner. I'd like for you to turn him over me NCIS. He is known to us, but not as a terrorist or threat, but a Special Agent that was believed KIA"

….

Nell sat on the floor of the C130 looking across at the man that had been medically sedated.

There would be a lot of questions when they got home, and not just from NCIS itself. She had to admit to having more than a few questions herself. She found herself unconsciously playing with her necklace. Even when she realised what she had been doing, she didn't stop… figuring that it would help distract her for even a short part of their long flight.

….

"Come on Eric. You have to know something" Kensi asked, looking for any details about what her partner had got tangled up in

"All I know is that she was instructed to deliver her prisoner to DC for polygraph, but that was a few days ago"

"by Granger?"

"Nope, higher up the food chain"

"You hear anything else, can you let me know?" Kensi urged

"Sure thing"

Kensi returned to the bullpen to complete her paperwork, at least until there was something she could do in the field

"You bored to tears yet, sugar bear?" Her husband asked from behind her as Sam and himself walked back into the office

"Not that bad yet. I just wish there was something I could actually be doing"

"If you're looking for something to do.."

"I'm not doing your paperwork for you."

"You won't have to sit on the sidelines for much longer"

"Easy for you to say Sam. You've not been sidelined for the better part of a week"

….

When Sam, Deeks and Kensi arrived in the office the next morning they were surprised to find Nell sat at her desk furiously working away.

"When did you get back. You know I would have picked you up if you had asked" Kensi enquired

"Just a few hours ago. Granger has 'requested' that we report to the Boatshed." She turned to face Sam "You and Shaggy have to pick up Hetty on the way. It's going to be a long day"

Kensi could see that something was bothering Nell, but she wasn't going to start questioning her, while there were other people around..

….

"So what's going on?"

"I don't even know where to start Kens"

"Well, the beginning is always a good place"

Nell stared out the window, watching the other traffic. "The NCIS 'agent' at the Barracks, is an NCIS agent, one that is listed as killed in action"

Nell didn't say anything for the next few miles, only speaking again once they had arrived at the boatshed

"He's supposed to be dead Kens" Nell barely managed to force out as she started to sob

"Who is?"

"Callen. He's meant to be dead. They said… Hetty said, he was dead"

This hit Kensi like a tonne of bricks. She knew if that was how it had 'hit' her, she couldn't begin to imagine how it had hit Nell.

"How long have you known it was him?"

"Only took me one look. Under all that hair, it's obviously still him"

"Have you spoken to him?. Like properly spoken to him?"

"No. Even if I had, what am I meant to say? Why did you run out on me?"

"You were on at least two flights with him Nell, how can you have said nothing to him?"

"They sedated him before both flights. I don't think he was even awake"

"Are you sure it's Callen. I mean totally sure that it's him, and not some doppelganger?"

"I think so. If it wasn't really him, why would the Director have had him transferred back to LA?"

"This should have been the first question I asked you, but how do you feel about this?"

….

"Well? What do you think Henrietta?"

"You know what the report said as well as I do Owen. This is either Mr Callen, or someone has gone to a lot of effort to place a look-a-like within our grasp"

"Polygraph didn't red flag anything from what he said when questioned"

"But even if it is Mr Callen, he has enough training to enable him to pass a polygraph exam."

"If it isn't Agent Callen, What is most likely to trip this person up. You know him better than almost anyone"

"Stick to subjects that would be unknown to anyone besides Mr Callen and a select few"

….

"Well? Is it him?"

"I dunno Kens. Whoever it is, does strike more than a passing resemblance to him" Deeks responded

"She was just starting to get over everything. And now this, it's gonna send her back to square one. How could Granger do this, he had to have known"

"No matter what he's done before, I don't think that **even** Granger would knowingly send Nell to come face to face with her supposedly dead fiancé"

"Yeah, you're probably right… and you know how much I hate to admit that"

"Sam's in there with them just now. I don't think he's any happier than you are. And that's before they even start questioning … what do we call him? Bizzaro Callen?"

….

Sam walked into the interrogation room, slamming the door behind him to attract the attention of the man who was claiming to be G Callen

"Let's start with a simple question. Who do you think you are?"

"I'm G Callen, and you know that"

"Where have you been for the last 6 months?"

"You're looking good Sam. New partner must be keeping you on your toes"

"Where have you been for the last 6 months"

"Recovering in a small village in Afghanistan. I had a broken leg and barely managed to drag myself out of the rubble and get out of town without being caught. After a few days, I was out of water and had just about given up, when I was found by a couple of… what I could best describe as farmers. They took me back to their village where they provided me with aid. Answer a question for me, Who's watching?. Hetty? Maybe Nate?"

"Hetty no longer works for NCIS. Did you give up any intel to anyone in Afghanistan?"

"No I didn't give up any intel!. You didn't answer my question."

"Granger's watching. So I'm supposed to believe that you were in a village for 6 months and you never spoke to anyone about anything classified"

"No. What you can believe, is that I spent almost 4 months recovering in that village, and then a further month repaying their kindness by doing odd jobs and farming, before I took off in search of any US troops to hand myself in to. How are Michelle and the kids?"

"When you turned yourself into US forces, why did you not give your name"

"Michelle and the Kids?"

"Recovering from the death of a family member. Now, Why didn't you give your name!"

"I wasn't meant to be there, I wasn't meant to be alive, and you know as well as I do.. officially I don't exist"

….

"Do you believe that its really him?"

"Pretty sure. Eric is running a check on a few parts of his story, comparing everything with what he provided during his polygraph"

"Did Granger know it was him before he sent Nell"

"He didn't know Kens. No one remotely suspected that he could even be alive until Nell reported in. How is she doing?" Sam asked, his focus being on the state of the young agent

"She's not good. I've not seen her this bad since we were told that he was dead. Did he ask about her?"

"No. It was almost as if he was purposefully avoiding asking anything about her. Considering how they left things when he disappeared, I'm not surprised"

"When are the rest of us gonna get to speak to him"

"Granger has ordered a psychological evaluation. If he passes that… probably not for at least a few days"

"What do I tell Nell?

"I don't know Kens. I really don't know"

….

*Knock Knock*

Nell slowly dragged herself from her bed and made her way to the front door, wondering which of her colleagues was going to be on the other side of the door this time. She had already had Kensi and Marty stop by for several hours, She had had phone calls from Eric, and even Michelle, checking to see how she was doing.

She would almost have said that her friends didn't think she could cope. Maybe she couldn't… at least not with this.

Opening the door she found Hetty. She had remained in contact with Hetty ever since she had resigned a few months ago, although, they had all kept in contact with the aging spy.

"How are you coping my dear?"

Nell waved Hetty in the door, allowing her to find somewhere to sit.

"As well as can be expected. It's not like you get taught about how to cope when your boyfriend comes back from the dead, at school. You said he was dead"

"I was told that he was dead. Officially he is dead. How he survived, is nothing short of miraculous"

"You've spoken to him?"

Hetty sat, considering her next words carefully

"I've observed parts of his interrogation. I do believe that it is Mr Callen. But I do believe Assistant Director Granger still has a few tests to be carried out, before any of us can be 100%. I know that this will have been difficult for you, but even if they rule that it is Mr Callen, he may not be the same man that we all chose to remember"

"I just want to understand how he is alive, and why no one seems to have known. We have one of the best intelligence networks in the world, and at no time in the last 6 months has there ever been so much as a whisper about an American wandering through Afghanistan. We had to bury an empty coffin, because you were assured, supposedly from highest levels, that he was dead"

the confusion and anger that Nell had been feeling had become obvious in the tone of her voice.

"I want to speak to him Hetty… I need to speak to him. You owe me that much"

….

Sam opened the door , and walked into the interrogation room, Nell following close behind.

Sam stood in the corner of the room, keeping one hand gripped around the handle of his Sig, ready for whatever happened

….

Kensi and Deeks stood in the boathouse, watching the feed from the interrogation room, on the monitor

"This isn't a good idea" Kensi said, breaking the silence "She's not ready for this"

"It's her choice. At least this way, she isn't having to face him alone"

….

Callen watched Nell walk into the room and sit down on the other side of the table.

He thought he had seen her briefly a few days ago, but he had dismissed it as a product of his imagination. He had regularly thought about her since he was walked out on her, On his friends… his family. Despite having thought about her, he had no idea what to say to her.

The last time he had seen her, she still lacked any memory of their time together, their relationship.

He had kicked himself so many times for walking away, when he knew all to well that memories can come back. But he remembered comments that her mother, and father, had made about Nells safety. So yes, he was a coward, he had walked away from the best thing in his life… but he had done so for her well being. Deciding that they had been silent long enough, he broke the silence.

"Ms Jones"

Nell stared back at him. She had been imagining what he would say, but she had hoped, imagined.. hell, ever prayed that he would have said more than just that…

"Actually it's Special Agent Jones, now"

She watched him briefly nod, and smile after she had said that. She had hoped for more of a response, but she would accept it. Something was better than nothing, she supposed.

"Next you're gonna tell me that Eric wears a suit to work" he smirked.

Why did it please her to see him smirk. She would need to talk to Nate about it next time he was in town

"Nope, still shorts and sandals" Nell stared across the table at him, was this all he had to say. He had been gone for 2 years, and he wanted to joke? about Eric wearing a suit, of all things.

"What did I do wrong, Why did you walk away. Why didn't you give me more time to remember?" Nell stared into his blue eyes, wanting to see if what he told her next would be the truth or excuses.

"You really want to have this out here and now, Nell?" Callen looked over to his former partner, looking for help, but he knew he wouldn't get any.

"What do you want me to tell you?. That it was the age difference?, that you're a better person?. That I'm too damaged to make a real relationship work…"

….

"I can't tell if he's trying to get her to sympathise with him, or if he's just making excuses"

"Doesn't matter how much time has passed… he's still the same as he has always been"

Deeks turned towards his wife, his confusion easily apparent "Huh?"

"He's saying what he thinks she needs to hear. What will make it easiest for her to move on"

….

The last few days had been tough. Callen had been questioned by numerous Agents, both before and after the numerous evaluations. With the exception of trips to the toilet, and his physical evaluation, he hadn't left the interrogation room. He didn't really have any expectation of when, or if, he would be released. Even if he did get released.. where would he go. He had 'officially' been dead for months now. His last will and testament would surely have been read, and what little he had, would have been distributed amongst his 'family'.

He was just about to lay down on the floor for the night, get a little sleep before the next round of questioning, when the door opened revealing Sam in the doorway.

"Come on, let's take a ride…"

After 3 days of questioning, he was willing to trust that Sam wasn't going to drive him to the middle of nowhere, and beat him to death.

"Where to?" he asked

"Does it matter?. Come on, before I change my mind"

….

"This isn't the same Challenger is it?"

"Nope. Replaced it last year"

"So where am I being locked up?"

"You're not. You're sleeping on my sofa, Michelle's already expecting you"

….

"Don't even try to take off in the night again"

"Not planning on it. Even if I did, where would I go"

"You know, I don't get it G. Even if you weren't gonna stay with Nell, why did you need to take off" This was probably the main question that Sam had wanted to ask Callen, but it wasn't appropriate to ask in an official questioning

"You remember when I was on the Seahawk, and things started to come back to me?, I pushed Nell away to save myself from the pain of watching her with someone else. Well, if I had stayed, things would have got awkward at work, and eventually either she would have left, or I would have left"

"So you decided to pre-empt everything, and run away, even though things could've worked out"

"Well… when you put it like that, it wasn't the best decision I've ever made. But at least I was doing good work"

"Have you any idea what happened after you left. We had to fight, just to keep you on the inactive list. Hetty had to promote me to senior agent just save Granger from forcing some stranger into the unit"

"So things worked out, You're all still together"

"There were a lot of tough times G. We had to find ways to cope. …"

".. and you did. You wouldn't still be here if you hadn't" Callen replied, interrupting

"You know what damage you did, reappearing like you did. Huh?. You know what happened to Nell, or Kensi, or Deeks when we were told you died?. Do you even care?"

"Of course I care…"

Before he could finish what he was saying, they heard the front door open, and the excited voices of Sam's son and daughter could be heard

"Uncle G!"

….

By the end of the week Callen had been released, and had legally been resurrected from the dead.

The first few nights, he spent sleeping on Sam's couch. But by monday morning he arranged himself accommodation at a boarding house. It was a small step, but one that he needed to take to get back on his feet.

He hadn't asked what had happened to his old house. He hadn't really wanted to know, as far as he was concerned it belonged to Nell now.

Surprisingly, Granger had made a call on his behalf. So he at least had a job, even if he wasn't working with the people he used to know, provided he attended agency mandated counselling sessions.

….

"So when you shipping out?" Sam asked

"End of the week. Should keep me busy, and at least I can be of use"

"Well, make sure you say good bye this time"

"I'll make sure to call you before I go"

Sam watched Callen start digging though his pockets, looking for something.

"I… I need you to do me a favour Sam" Sam stared back at him, waiting to hear what this favour would be

"I need for you to give these to everyone" he added, then pushed a few envelopes towards Sam.

….

"You shouldn't keep secrets from your husband!"

"You're not reading it Shaggy"

"I'll let you read mine…"

"Play nice, you two" Sam said as he walked into the Bullpen

"Come on Sam, what was in your letter?"

"He been like this since last night?" Sam asked Kensi

Kensi simply nodded

"Come on, what was in yours?" Deeks asked Nell, when he saw her walk into the office

Nell sat down, and got set up. Choosing to ignore Deeks' question.

….

"You didn't read it did you?" Kensi asked, while they were stopped in traffic

"You know, you could turn onto South Avenue, avoid some of this traffic"

"Nell. I know that this has been tough. But maybe you could get something out of it. It's not like anything he's written, could make things any worse"

….

"I already promised Sam that I would call before I left. So, what are you doing here?"

"Just doin as I'm told"

Callen stepped back and opened the door

"You may as well come in and wait. I've got to finish packing"

Deeks looked about the near empty room, wondering how Callen could live like this

"So, Sam told me that you got married…" Callen stated, and he continued pushing clothes into a bag

"Yeah… It eh… Yeah. Comin up on 6 months now"

"I'm pleased for both of you. But you hurt her… "

"Yeah, I know.. You'll hurt me. Hate burst your bubble, but I've already received the 'talk' from Sam, Nell, Hetty… even Granger."

Callen seemed happy with this response, and returned to his packing

….

"So come on Deeks. What am I here for?"

"Dunno, I'm Just doing as I'm told" Deeks walked back outside, and dialled someone on his phone, however Callen couldn't hear what was being said

After waiting for another 10 minutes, he heard foot steps. Instinctively he reached for his SIG, slowly pulling it and then aiming it towards the approaching footsteps.

"You won't need that G" he heard Nell's familiar voice say

He tucked his gun back into his waistband and watched as she slowly emerged from the shadows. He was surprised to note that there was no anger or pain displayed on the young woman's face.

Since he had seen her in the interrogation room all those weeks ago, she had had her hair cut. Gone was the longer shoulder length hair that he had seen, replaced by the shorter style he remembered her having before he had walked out on her. The physical pains he had endured over the last couple of years were nothing compared to the tightness in his chest he felt, just looking upon her.

They both looked one another over, but neither said anything immediately

"You're looking good Ms Jones. Healthy I mean" Callen said, breaking the awkward silence

"You look better" she replied, as she continued looking him over, taking in the visible scarring on his forearms.

Seeing where she was looking, Callen started to unroll each of his shirt sleeves down, to cover over his arms.

"I never thought I would see this place again." He said, looking around the building that OSP had once called home. Seeing it unlit, and devoid of equipment and staff only served to remind him that the life he had once had, was long since over.

"So, what was it you wanted me here for?"

"Sam… he… he gave us your letters. Told us you were leaving LA. I couldn't let you leave without … without telling you, that I'm sorry for how we parted, that I forgive you for what you felt you had to do"

Callen took a few steps closer to her, and put his hand on her shoulders "You don't need to apologise for anything, Nell. I…" He started, before being distracted by what he saw hanging from her neck

Seeing where he was looking, Nell smiled up at him

"I've kept it on me… ever since…Since I remembered us"

Callen reached up for what was dangling from the necklace, another thing that he was sure he would never see again

"..but you should have it back." She added, as she reached back to unclip her necklace

"No!. It's never been mine. It's yours, always has been, ever since I picked it out" Callen urged, as he took several steps back from her.

Nell eyed him suspiciously

"Why is it you would talk to me in that interrogation room, but out here in the real world you're… you're practically afraid of me?"

"Because then I was telling you what you needed to hear!," Callen snapped.

Nell was shocked at his outburst, even more surprised at the fact that she wasn't surprised at what he had admitted.

"Then try telling me the truth this time" she said staring him down

"Fine. I'll answer 3 questions… then I'm walking"

"I only need One, so long as your honest"

Looking at his face, She was so please to see that he was surprised by her response. Maybe he really was still the man that she remembered

"Do you still love me?. Nothing more, nothing less, Just… the way you did, before… before you… died, or walked away"

"You are what you wanted to be Nell. You wanted to work in the field, and now you do. There is nothing I have ever wanted more, than for you to be happy"

Callen walked off, not willing to let their exchange drag out any longer. Not wanting to hurt her yet again.

"You didn't answer me" Nell said from behind him, as she grabbed onto his arm

"What do you want from me, Nell?"

"Just…. Answer my question honestly" Nell knew that she had probably sounded a bit needy, but if it got her the truth from him, she could live with sounded needy.

"Yes. Okay… Of course I still love you" he replied, quicker than he would have preferred

"Then don't go… don't leave me, not again" she pleaded


End file.
